Cathartic activities.

The past few days have been spent deep in creative activities and discussion. This has brought me to the conclusion that I can in no way lead a life in which creativity does not have a large part in. A good eight hours with a guitar in hand has led to a disturbingly dismal nine minute epic in which a friend described when listening as "So sad I want to slide out the window onto the floor. It sounds like being face down in shit and concrete" Everything and more that I wanted to achieve.

The song combines the atmospheric Black Metal of modern day with slow, crushing sludge to break up the pace. I'm very excited about this song. Playing something that makes you grit your teeth to the point of being in pain is actually quite a pleasant experience.

I have left a previous project to work on this new 'grim' black metal project. I, and no doubt any other kind of artistic person, believe that music can only be created from the emotions at heart; if you are feeling terrible then channel this into something positive. A friend also recommended I add a producer on Facebook who has experience in producing Black metal/doom projects and is part of bands such as Oakenshield, Termination and Bong Cauldron. He said he would be more than interested to help me and the fact that he has his own studios in Leeds only makes it more exciting.

Song two is also well under way with many riffs being thrown around. As well as expressing myself through music, I have joined my local library and got some books out on acting. It's a hobby that I have always wanted to pursue and I have a friend that really wants to get into film. We plan on writing some short films when we both have the time.

To summarise, creating so much recently is helping me to get through this difficult time. I am in no way better yet but I am slowly starting to heal. The activities mentioned have helped me to push some of the thoughts out of my head but I'm still finding it quite difficult. Each day that goes by is making me feel less scared and alone but my heart continues to grow fonder. My anxiety has somehow just gone recently which is absolutely amazing. I know though that it will never go completely and to continue these sessions. Speaking of which I have one at half two tomorrow. I have lots to talk about and hopefully and improvement will be seen by both me and the therapist.

These times are becoming exciting but I still lack someone.