Apart from being covered from head to toe in slush courtesy of a lovely bus driver, the counselling session today went well. Tracy (The counsellor) decided that my anxiety towards dying/fainting had been reduced enough for us to focus on another one of the problems today; This problem being my self esteem and what people think of me.
We talked about me worrying that I was blushing when people say certain things and my difficulty with sitting in places like cafes. One thing that did upset me slightly today was how the counsellor told me that due to my over-active mind, people sometimes will believe that I am not listening to them. For example: Sitting at a dinner table with someone's parents. Due to the fact that I would be spending so much time planning what to say and how to respond (Instead of just talking freely) it would look as though I am in fact not interested. This combined with carrying out a post mortem of every situation afterwards leads to bad thoughts.
There are a few things that I have been told to complete for homework. One of these is to spend a lot of time in cafes this week on my own. I have been told to observe my surroundings and when people laugh to investigate and see why they are laughing. This is due to the fact that I worry that people are laughing at me. I said to Tracy though "What if they catch my eyes and think I am some weirdo looking at them?". The response she had was to just smile at them. I also need to rate how much I believed they were laughing at me in a percentage.
It would appear that the jam is not happening now and so I am going to play some guitar on my own for a little while. I think after that I am going to tear my mind up in War and Peace.
I hope she is ok.
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